Had my chemo yesterday and I don't feel too bad yet. But I'm on a lot of antinausea drugs for the first 3 days. My hair started coming out yesterday which sort of freaked me out for awhile . It started with the pubes which was sort of cool. Now I can gently pull areas of hair on my head out in clumbs. But I tried to not pull it until this morning and let Natalie do what every toddler has ever wanted to do but is never allowed. She got to use her safety scissors and give me a hair cut. She even put a clip in it. She was so excited. Wanted to do Daddy's hair next. We stressed that she can never cut her own hair or others. She knows my hair is falling out. I ordered two wigs and they are in. One is a bit like Selma Blair in Hellboy 2 (if you never saw hellboy 2 - you need to - my type of humor). The other wig is a just a light brown should length style. I really wanted to get the long blonde wig that goes down to the middle of my back. But can you believe the first 2 wigs cost $600. I'll have to wait on the blonde hooker wig.
January 27, 2010
ok - Chemo sucks and this stuff better be working. I look and feel like the "Living Dead" and I don't like using the "D" word very often. I could get a job as an extra in a Zombie film. I have a missing body part, no hair on my head, and I've turned a very unflattering shade of grey. My hands look like they have aged 40 years. They said the side effects were accumulative and they weren't kidding. At first I was thinking this isn't bad. I can handle this but each time the side effects become worse from GI issues, insomnia, to mouth sores. I have lost my hair on my head but still have to shave my legs - go figure.
Three sessions down with 5 to go. One more Andromycin and Cytoxin and then on the 18th of Feb. I start my Taxol regimen. They say the side effects of this one are a little worse and neuropathy is the worst (accumulative too). So - 4 sessions of Taxol, then I get a month off to recoup and then 5 weeks of radiation (5 days a week). Then on to surgery again - more missing body parts.
My mood is cyclic and the emotional roller coaster is tough. I really had a hard time when I heard about the girl from "Survivor" that died last week from breast cancer at the age of 37. The cancer and treatment sounded alot like mine. It brought back all the fears of dying again - it's scary.
The good news is I just managed to get into the biphosphonate study before it closed. I was randomized to clodronate (an oral once a day biphos approved in Europe but not the US). The hope is it will prevent the reoccurrence and/or spread of the breast cancer. I'm on it for 3 years. I feel really lucky to be in the study.
Logan is doing good. He weighs over 11 lbs now. Natalie loves being a big sister. She also loves wearing my wigs. I’ll have to take a picture and send it out. She thinks she is a rock star.
My PET scan is Monday. As you can imagine – I’m a big ball of anxiety. Monday’s results determines the next steps in my life (and how long it lasts). Previously I had asked that people pray for “no new tumors”. I have decided to change my mind and go for the miracle – a Totally cancer-free PET scan!! It could happen. Thanks for the prayers – I wish I could adequately express how appreciative I am for them.
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