Big pause between my first post and this one. Why? Because a classmate of mine died from cancer. No I wasn't helping with funeral plans or assisting the family in any way. I was curled up in a ball - very scared. Because the same thing will happen to me one day. I will die from this cancer, I will probably end up in hospice, my family and some friends will stop their everyday activities to sit at my bedside. (unless of course, I get wiped out in a car accident or some freak chemical mishap). I don't want to put my family through the pain of me dying.
I shared my feelings with a friend who's brother had died of cancer. She had spent much of her time at hospice with him along the side of other family members. Sometimes the right words put everything into perspective. "At that time, there is no other place that we would rather be" - she said to me. It's true - if one of my family members were dying or in hospice, there is no other place I would rather be than at their side. Yes - it would be painful but I would want to be there.
I'm still scared but I'm back on my feet again. My family is by my side and my friends are praying for me. This week is the funeral of my friend. It will be hard, it will be painful, and it may come with a few other feelings that I don't have words for yet. This week I make time for the dead. Next week we will move on and make the time for living. It's all about one day at a time.
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