To Help or Walk Away

Below is a copy of my 1/21/2014 post from Facebook. I helped out a lady in "need" but was conflicted if that was the right thing to do. I even included the responses I got back – which were conflicted too. Now I told this story to a very spiritual friend of mine recently who immediately concluded that this lady was actually Jesus – in disguise. Though it is a great thought, but I really don't think this was Jesus. I could be wrong but I also forgot to mention something else in my post. This lady told me that her dog’s name was Lucifer. I will admit that this name is a lot less foreboding than “satan” and much easier to pronounce than “mephistopheles”. Even with this name, one might expect a large Rottweiler type dog. But Lucifer was a cute, fat, and very old schnauzer with no hellhound stereotypes.  His most unredeeming quality was his smell. Not sulfur or brimstone but definitely a bad case of DO – doggy odor. I think that Jesus would name his dog with something that sounded a little gentler like Cuddles or Fluffy.  Here’s my facebook post –

 

What is everyone's opinion and thoughts on panhandlers. We have a lot of them around here. Today I saw a 50+ old Caucasian female by Meijers who could barely hold her sign she was shaking so bad from the cold (it was 11 degrees). I want to help but I'm afraid because so many of them are just drug addicts or have some severe mental issues. Are we really helping them or helping out the drug dealers/users? I did stop and pick up the lady. She was freezing. I bought her lunch and then we went shopping in Meijers. I got her a bunch of supplies and food and a nice space heater for her mobile home. I even drove her back to her trailer in Maumee. But my stomach and heart hurt. I want to think I helped her but part of me wonders if I just got taken for a bunch of money. What do you do when you see someone like this?

I work in community service and there are many resources to help those in need. I do not give to pan handlers, I try to donate to places that help those in need, i.e. food banks, homeless shelters ect. My sister always gives but I tell her to be careful. She had a situation where a guy approached her asking for gas money with a story about his wife being in the car and running out of gas, she gave him $20. The very next week the same guy, in the same area came up to her with the exact same story and she told him he told her that story the week before and walked away. I don't know if she still gives as freely as she used to after this incident. I would say do what is in your heart and hopefully you touched hers by taking the time to sit and eat with her, just be careful and aware that the story you are being told may not be the truth.

I pray for them that they will find long lasting relief. Offering warm clothes and food is what St. Francis would have done. The question is: Why was she panhandling in Oregon if she lives in Maumee? and how did she get there? There are organized rings of panhandlers with, well, pimps that take their earnings. Anything you bought her that can be sold probably will. Your kindness is not lost on her though. Just protect yourself.

                                 I think you did a wonderful thing, and she will be eternally grateful to have that direct connection to another person who saw her as a human being, not just a beggar. This was absolutely the right thing to do in this situation. Wish more people would do it. Having said that, I don't give a dime, cup of coffee or the time of day to anyone in DC. I've noticed the same panhandlers, sitting in the same spots for 8 years. I imagine some of them have a higher take home pay than I do from the income they make off tourists. There is one woman in particular that sits on a milk crate outside the Rosslyn metro station. She has been holding the same cardboard sign for 8 years that reads: "unemployed mother if 3, need food." My first question is, who is home with your kids? Secondly, your kids are grown-up by now (according to my coworkers she's been sitting there for years before I saw her) shouldn't your kids be out working and providing for you? Thirdly, why does a Lincoln Town Car pick you up every night (I haven't witnessed this, but that's the word on the street)? There are certainly those in need, like the woman you helped, but it is hard to be charitable when some choose to take advantage of the kind-hearted.

I was looking for scripture to support what you did Laura & there is plenty. But here's just one reference. Isa. 58:6 "No, the kind of fast I want is that you stop oppressing those who work for you and treat them fairly and give them what they earn. Isa. 58:7 I want you to share your food with the hungry and bring right into your own homes those who are helpless, poor, and destitute. Clothe those who are cold, and don't hide from relatives who need your help. Isa. 58:8 "If you do these things, God will shed his own glorious light upon you. He will heal you; your godliness will lead you forward, goodness will be a shield before you, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. Isa. 58:9 Then, when you call, the Lord will answer. 'Yes, I am here,' he will quickly reply. All you need to do is to stop oppressing the weak and stop making false accusations and spreading vicious rumors! Isa. 58:10 "Feed the hungry! Help those in trouble! Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you shall be as bright as day. Isa. 58:11 And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good things, and keep you healthy too; and you will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. I truly believe that the act of compassion & generosity you showed is pleasing to God. If He tells us to help the poor we ultimately are not responsible for how it is spent, but just that we were obedient to what He asks.
Secondly, I know here in Lincoln NE there are more than enough resources for homeless people & those who work closely with them to provide do say to not give money, but food is ok & clothing, blankets etc. I don't think that is the case in all places but knowing that here helps me to know to not give money to enable a bad habit. You have a good heart! Thank You for serving those less fortunate!

 

 

 

 

A Contest

Last year my husband asked me to take a trip just for myself. He was willing to send me to one of those spa places for a day, weekend or even a whole week. Imagine a whole week of pampering, great food, getting outdoors, horse backing riding, hiking…etc. It sounded wonderful. BUT… for some reason I really wanted to go to the annual ACRP meeting in Orlando, FL. I couldn’t even give you a good reason why. ACRP stands for Association of Clinical Research Professionals. The benefit  to attending the meeting is networking – but with cancer and treatment I am realistically aware that I will probably never be able to return to my job as a CRA.  Another reason is to obtain your education credits to continue with your certification. Since I wasn’t going to be continuing with this career, I had just renewed my certification status but really needed to just let it go. It’s expensive to maintain.

I did go to ACRP and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I didn’t learn a single thing about research, GCP’s, FDA regulations, or even about job opportunities. Instead it was 3 days of being led through interactions that could only have been orchestrated by God. Let’s start at the beginning of my trip and see if I can’t lead you through some of my experiences.

 

I get to my hotel which is connected to the convention center via sky walks but it still was over a mile walk for me to get to the section of the convention center which housed the ACRP meeting rooms.  Winter in the Midwest is not great for walking, an activity I really enjoyed. I had actually been praying for opportunities for me to get out and be a bit more active. Now I had at least over a two mile round trip walk to tackle each day and it was wonderful! I could take a shuttle but the walk to the center was so peaceful. The first day a black bird of some type joined me on my walk. Hoping from pole to pole and tree branch to tree branch with funny little squawks. I don’t know if it was the same bird throughout the walk but there always seemed to be a black bird on walks following along. This happened during every trek I made, and I made many. It was like having a friend at my side. Another odd thing about my walks was that the sun was never shining. It was always partly cloudy on those journeys. Having been used to the Midwest sunless winter days, bright sunshine would quickly set off horrible headaches. But each time I traveled through the walkaways, it was a beautiful day but the sun hid behind a cloud. Funny thing was, once I got to the meeting rooms, I could hear people throughout the day talking about how bright the sun was shining outside. It was like the sunshine dimmed just for me. These small things were enough for me to know that a high power was orchestrating my experiences. But that was not all God had planned for me.

The first day of meetings, I scanned the list to see which sessions I wanted to attend. The next session had a number of great topics but I choose “Are we exploiting the hope in cancer patients” – or something along that title. I don’t work on oncology trials, so why did I want to go? But I didn’t question it much and decided to just attend. The talk was good but they focused so much on how maybe some clinical trials or even research professionals could be exploiting cancer patient’s hopes. They are afraid that patients with cancer don’t understand that most cancer trials are not about finding the “miracle cure”.  Maybe patients are expecting too much from these trials. It bothered me that these professionals thought that patients weren’t educated enough or smart enough to make their own choice on whether to participate in trials. At the end of the talk after a few people went up to the microphones to ask questions or make comments, I did what I never thought I could do. I stood up, walked to the microphone, and patiently waiting for my turn to speak.  I don’t know entirely what I said. I introduced myself as a CRA and then introduced myself as a cancer patient.  I spoke on how you can’t take away the hope of cancer patients. We know the end point – we all know we are going to die. But hope is what we have. We have it when a doctor walks in the room, we have it when we take a new medication or even try some hyped up natural supplement.  It probably won’t work but we still hold on to the hope. If not for the cure, at least for more time.  I do remember shaking something awful as I spoke.  As I left the microphone people starting clapping and I saw people crying. I sat down at my seat and the people around me where sharing tissues. It was so surreal – I still can’t comprehend what I could have said to evoke such a reaction. I sat there in my seat as others came to the microphone. I was scared and shaking still. Then someone came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder and a hand on my right arm which was really shaking. It was a comforting touch and was so appreciated. I turned to look at who was touching me and no one was there. Immediately, I knew it was God. It was like time stopped for a moment. The feeling was incredible. I felt so loved. I just sat in awe. After a few more minutes the session ended. A few people came over to me; something I said in my time at the microphone had touched a few people. I was so humbled. But it didn’t end - the moments with God continued. Throughout those three days, strangers would come up to me and ask it I was the one that got up at the session on cancer and hope. I would say yes and they would say things like – “I wish you were one of the speakers for that session”, “I wish we could have heard more from the cancer patients’ point of view” “you really make me look at my cancer trials in a new light”. And people would come up to me to tell about loved ones they lost to cancer. No one knew my name – they didn’t need to know it. It was just about a message that came from lips but written by God.

 

Before I left for the ACRP meeting, I was reading books and articles about people’s experiences with dying. I found such comfort in those stories. You hope there is something after you die. You pray there is – but I still had that little worry in my head because we didn’t have any hard facts. We just had to believe and have faith. On that first day at lunch I walked with my tray through the eating area which was set up with round tables throughout the room. Some tables were packed with people, others only had a few. I felt myself be pulled towards a table were a black lady was sitting by herself. I asked if I could join but sat with a few chairs between us to keep from invading any personal space. After all, it was only 2 of us at this table for 8. Somehow a conversation got started and she told me about how she talks to God and about a life changing event in her life. It was so heartwarming. At my next session, the lady that I sat next to told me about how she had died and what her experience was like. God was sending people to me to hear their stories and this continued consistently throughout the conference. I even ended up sitting next to someone at the bus that had just gone through breast cancer and heard her story of faith and perseverance. Maybe the first few times were a coincidence but this wasn’t a cancer meeting. It was meeting for research professionals and I was hearing these incredible stories that I didn’t ask to hear. They were just volunteered up to me. It was just amazing.

 

There were so many other “small” things that happened throughout my trip. I continued to let my ‘gut” take me to where I needed to go and I was blessed each time I listened. On day 2,  I chose to go to a large session with Charles Sabine  - a  war correspondent for NBC, speaking  on research.  At the time I didn’t even know who the speaker was but I sat in front of his podium. For the next hour, I was captivated by his personal story. I learned about Huntington disease and how this genetic disease runs in his family. Mr. Sabine spoke about how he was tested and he carried the gene for this deadly disease. He would more than likely die of this disease but he also knew how he would die and that was a terrifying thought. After his talk I immediately ran to the side of the stage. I had someone take our picture with my cell phone. Not the greatest pic ever taken but it means so much to me. The first thing I said to him was that I have cancer and I was probably going to die before him. He seemed taken back at first but then grabbed my hand and said – “Let’s have a contest, let’s see who can live the longest”. Just those words filled me with strength.  At this point, both of us are still winning.

The death of a friend

Big pause between my first post and this one. Why? Because a classmate of mine died from cancer. No I wasn't helping with funeral plans or assisting the family in any way. I was curled up in a ball - very scared. Because the same thing will happen to me one day. I will die from this cancer, I will probably end up in hospice, my family and some friends will stop their everyday activities to sit at my bedside. (unless of course, I get wiped out in a car accident or some freak chemical mishap). I don't want to put my family through the pain of me dying.


I shared my feelings with a friend who's brother had died of cancer. She had spent much of her time at hospice with him along the side of other family members. Sometimes the right words put everything into perspective. "At that time, there is no other place that we would rather be" - she said to me. It's true - if one of my family members were dying or in hospice, there is no other place I would rather be than at their side. Yes - it would be painful but I would want to be there.


I'm still scared but I'm back on my feet again. My family is by my side and my friends are praying for me. This week is the funeral of my friend. It will be hard, it will be painful, and it may come with a few other feelings that I don't have words for yet. This week I make time for the dead. Next week we will move on and make the time for living. It's all about one day at a time.